Hi Kerr,
I'm sitting in my new kitchen (built in bench seating) while 2 men are assembling our new furniture. I have a cup of tea next to me because, of course, in the middle of moving, I'm having an awful sinus/allergy issue and my back is out... But I'm happy. I was sitting here thinking about the happy memories Mac and I will create here, and I wished you'd be apart of them.
Jenna came by yesterday. Can you believe she'll be a kindergarten teacher at the k-2 school my kids will go to?! Makes me think her job and our house were all meant to be. She was looking at all of the light fixtures and said you'd love them. It's true. They have hanging crystals and are modern just like your kitchen.
You'd love everything about the house, but mostly, you would've loved me being closer to you. The big boys came yesterday to help unload the truck. They're amazing. You'd love how goofy they are (and you'd hate it and freak when they get annoying which would probably just cause them to burst out laughing).
I'm going to host rosh hashanah this year. And probably kol nidre or break the fast. Whatever mom wants. She doesn't like having the holidays anymore.... Especially what you would've hosted. Michelle was excited when she found out we we're moving to the burbs because last year she had both nights - we went by her for the second. I'm imagining where I'll put the buffet table and an additional kids table. It's nice we'll have the space. I always said I'd never host and that you'd get to do it forever. I imagined that maybe I'd have to once you were gone later in life, but I'd be so old by then that (1) I'd be mature enough to do it or (2) we'd eat out. :-)
I guess that time has come quicker than I'd ever imagined....
I miss you so terribly. With every new adventure in life or every turn or even every lame or shallow update, I wish you were there... To text, to call, to see.... There are days it seems to get harder, not easier, because it's proof you won't be apart of whatever I wanted and needed you for. Kelly (elyses daughter) had a baby boy! The bris was very nice but very hard. While attending, it really dawned on me that you won't be around for my kids. That they won't know the worlds best aunt. You won't be there to calm me down while I'm psycho during pregnancy and labor and raising children.... Oh how I miss you.
I love that now I'm closer to the boys. I love that you'd love our new house. I can't wait to feel you here and have you help make it a home.
Missing you always,
Me
Xo
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Friday, May 6, 2016
A Full Heart
Hi Kerr,
It's been awhile since I posted. I actually was talking with Andrew a couple of weeks ago about feeling like I haven't been dealing with my emotions of not having you, lately. Dumbass BLueCross dropped me from their insurance and my new one doesn't consider my therapist in network so no more therapy for me (and no, I don't want to find a new therapist that is in-network. I liked Katie!). Andrew asked about my blogging as an outlet and said I hadn't posted in awhile... What a mature kid!
Well I was wanting to write to you this week.
it's Mother's Day on Sunday. Last year, Mother's Day weekend was the hardest weekend for me since the day you passed. The Saturday of Mother's Day weekend 2015 was my first wedding shower, and in fact, my first wedding festivity, without you. It was so difficult for me. I could barely get myself together to go and cried the rest of the day. It was beautiful, but without you, I felt empty. That day I heard "photograph" by Ed Sheeran for the first time. Okay, so interesting story... And honestly, I may have written about it before but as you know, we retell stories in this family :) the night before the shower, we went to Lou Malnatis to celebrate lances birthday. Dad told me he heard the song him and mom were going to dance to at my wedding. I was like (a) you and mom don't have a special dance at my wedding and (b) what song? He said that Ed Sheeran one and I thought he was talking about a different one than he was ("thinking out loud") So I squashed that. Fast forward to the next morning. I scheduled showings for the morning of my shower - yeah, I'm an idiot. The second I finished them and parted ways with my client, I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. I came home, started crying again. I couldn't get myself together to put on makeup and get ready for the shower. I text dad and said I needed to feel you with me. I couldn't do it all without you. He told me to stop trying so hard, you were at your manicure and would be with me shortly. I got myself together, got in the car and started rushing to the shower because I was running lAte. When I got in the car, and turned on the radio, "photograph" by Ed sheeran came on. And there you were. It now made sense to me that THiS was the song dad was talking about. "We keep this love in a photograph... " and then I heard the verse that really clinched it. I was wearing the gold diamond heart necklace of yours. I took it for Maggie's wedding but didn't give it back :) I wanted to have something of yours on me so I was wearing it. "You can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were 16 next to your heartbeat where I should be, keep it deep within your soul". I knew you were with me. The shower was beautiful! Spent the day celebrating and on the drive home, cried hysterically again. You leave such a hole that can't be filled. I woke up the next morning on Mother's Day instantly full of tears streaming down my face. I was running so late to pickup the boys for brunch at J&Js because I, once again, couldn't get my shit together. Walking into the house, I lost it again because the boys had gotten me flowers, a card, a jewelry box and a bracket to thank me for all I do for them. I don't think they'll ever know quite what that meant to me.
I also wanted to write you this week because I'm looking after the boys this weekend. Steve is headed to Vegas on a much needed getaway. I text the boys yesterday to say we should do a movie tonight and dinner Saturday and Sunday we have Mother's Day bowling brunch and Saturday they have games so it would be a full weekend. I was text back with "I'll be at my friends all weekend" "I have plans with friends" "my games will go long" etc. the boys are growing up!!!! They have friends and their own plans. It made me remember the times I would watch the kids when you'd go out of town and you'd have 5 page long notes for me on everywhere they needed to be and when. It definitely was busy. This weekend, I was afraid of being lonely. Well you must've had a hand in something because then I got a text asking if we could do a movie tonight and tomorrow! They want to hang with me!!!!! Feeling the love from those boys and having them in my life does truly make my heart full.
I miss you every day. I miss you especially this weekend.
Xoxo
Me
It's been awhile since I posted. I actually was talking with Andrew a couple of weeks ago about feeling like I haven't been dealing with my emotions of not having you, lately. Dumbass BLueCross dropped me from their insurance and my new one doesn't consider my therapist in network so no more therapy for me (and no, I don't want to find a new therapist that is in-network. I liked Katie!). Andrew asked about my blogging as an outlet and said I hadn't posted in awhile... What a mature kid!
Well I was wanting to write to you this week.
it's Mother's Day on Sunday. Last year, Mother's Day weekend was the hardest weekend for me since the day you passed. The Saturday of Mother's Day weekend 2015 was my first wedding shower, and in fact, my first wedding festivity, without you. It was so difficult for me. I could barely get myself together to go and cried the rest of the day. It was beautiful, but without you, I felt empty. That day I heard "photograph" by Ed Sheeran for the first time. Okay, so interesting story... And honestly, I may have written about it before but as you know, we retell stories in this family :) the night before the shower, we went to Lou Malnatis to celebrate lances birthday. Dad told me he heard the song him and mom were going to dance to at my wedding. I was like (a) you and mom don't have a special dance at my wedding and (b) what song? He said that Ed Sheeran one and I thought he was talking about a different one than he was ("thinking out loud") So I squashed that. Fast forward to the next morning. I scheduled showings for the morning of my shower - yeah, I'm an idiot. The second I finished them and parted ways with my client, I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. I came home, started crying again. I couldn't get myself together to put on makeup and get ready for the shower. I text dad and said I needed to feel you with me. I couldn't do it all without you. He told me to stop trying so hard, you were at your manicure and would be with me shortly. I got myself together, got in the car and started rushing to the shower because I was running lAte. When I got in the car, and turned on the radio, "photograph" by Ed sheeran came on. And there you were. It now made sense to me that THiS was the song dad was talking about. "We keep this love in a photograph... " and then I heard the verse that really clinched it. I was wearing the gold diamond heart necklace of yours. I took it for Maggie's wedding but didn't give it back :) I wanted to have something of yours on me so I was wearing it. "You can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were 16 next to your heartbeat where I should be, keep it deep within your soul". I knew you were with me. The shower was beautiful! Spent the day celebrating and on the drive home, cried hysterically again. You leave such a hole that can't be filled. I woke up the next morning on Mother's Day instantly full of tears streaming down my face. I was running so late to pickup the boys for brunch at J&Js because I, once again, couldn't get my shit together. Walking into the house, I lost it again because the boys had gotten me flowers, a card, a jewelry box and a bracket to thank me for all I do for them. I don't think they'll ever know quite what that meant to me.
I also wanted to write you this week because I'm looking after the boys this weekend. Steve is headed to Vegas on a much needed getaway. I text the boys yesterday to say we should do a movie tonight and dinner Saturday and Sunday we have Mother's Day bowling brunch and Saturday they have games so it would be a full weekend. I was text back with "I'll be at my friends all weekend" "I have plans with friends" "my games will go long" etc. the boys are growing up!!!! They have friends and their own plans. It made me remember the times I would watch the kids when you'd go out of town and you'd have 5 page long notes for me on everywhere they needed to be and when. It definitely was busy. This weekend, I was afraid of being lonely. Well you must've had a hand in something because then I got a text asking if we could do a movie tonight and tomorrow! They want to hang with me!!!!! Feeling the love from those boys and having them in my life does truly make my heart full.
I miss you every day. I miss you especially this weekend.
Xoxo
Me
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Happy Valentine's Day, Valentine!
Hi Kerr bear -
I haven't written in awhile... But as I drove to the boys today, I felt like writing to update you. It's very fitting - today is still our day. I've got 2 dozen donuts and heart shaped boxes of chocolate sitting next to me :)
Andrew looks more like Allan every day. You'd love how much of a giant he is - so tall & strong. He is definitely a Klein boy raised by you... Him and Soph took the act last weekend (yeah - I know ... I'm freaking out about him leaving me for college). Soph was feeling stressed so he bought her flowers. Good boy! I know you're so proud.
I swear to gd Issac is 6'3"! We'll find out at his doctor appointment tomorrow. He's as sweet and as sensitive as always ... I hope no one ever stifles his ability to be so loving.
Zion has glasses! He looks so cute - they're very fitting. His bar mitzvah is in less than a year. I think I've got the plan figured out ... I need you.
Simon made the volleyball team! He had his first game on Thursday and did really well! (I couldn't go but he had quite the entourage - bub, Issac, Andrew, Soph and Amy ... They face timed me in)
We love you. I wish I had an address to send you flowers.
Xoxo love always (especially today)
ME
I haven't written in awhile... But as I drove to the boys today, I felt like writing to update you. It's very fitting - today is still our day. I've got 2 dozen donuts and heart shaped boxes of chocolate sitting next to me :)
Andrew looks more like Allan every day. You'd love how much of a giant he is - so tall & strong. He is definitely a Klein boy raised by you... Him and Soph took the act last weekend (yeah - I know ... I'm freaking out about him leaving me for college). Soph was feeling stressed so he bought her flowers. Good boy! I know you're so proud.
I swear to gd Issac is 6'3"! We'll find out at his doctor appointment tomorrow. He's as sweet and as sensitive as always ... I hope no one ever stifles his ability to be so loving.
Zion has glasses! He looks so cute - they're very fitting. His bar mitzvah is in less than a year. I think I've got the plan figured out ... I need you.
Simon made the volleyball team! He had his first game on Thursday and did really well! (I couldn't go but he had quite the entourage - bub, Issac, Andrew, Soph and Amy ... They face timed me in)
We love you. I wish I had an address to send you flowers.
Xoxo love always (especially today)
ME
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Always our favorite
Dear Kerr,
My timehop app was very bittersweet today. It pulled up every time I wished you happy birthday on Facebook. The last time was wishing you an incredible year of health and happiness, and then of course, last year... The first time I wished you happy birthday without you really turning 39.
5 years ago, Jordan's status was "happy birthday to my favorite sister Kerry Klein Butman, sorry Tessi Neuhauser". The post made me smile. The truth is, you were everyone's favorite whatever - favorite sister, friend, daughter, wife, mother, aunt. You were really someone special, someone unique. Since you were young (and had to take care of me all the time :-) you always put people before you. You wanted everyone to be happy. I really think you were just like Bubby in that way. Caring for everyone and putting them before yourself.
I don't have much to say today. It may be the 2nd birthday since you've passed, but it hurts just as bad... Just as hard. I wish we were cruising the Mediterranean as planned (or you were in Bali as I know you planned with Tammy). I can't convey in words how much I truly wish we were even just sitting on the couch watching old movies ringing in your 40th. What I wouldn't give to have you back... I sincerely hope you're able to celebrate today. I love you!!!!!
Xoxo forever and always
me
My timehop app was very bittersweet today. It pulled up every time I wished you happy birthday on Facebook. The last time was wishing you an incredible year of health and happiness, and then of course, last year... The first time I wished you happy birthday without you really turning 39.
5 years ago, Jordan's status was "happy birthday to my favorite sister Kerry Klein Butman, sorry Tessi Neuhauser". The post made me smile. The truth is, you were everyone's favorite whatever - favorite sister, friend, daughter, wife, mother, aunt. You were really someone special, someone unique. Since you were young (and had to take care of me all the time :-) you always put people before you. You wanted everyone to be happy. I really think you were just like Bubby in that way. Caring for everyone and putting them before yourself.
I don't have much to say today. It may be the 2nd birthday since you've passed, but it hurts just as bad... Just as hard. I wish we were cruising the Mediterranean as planned (or you were in Bali as I know you planned with Tammy). I can't convey in words how much I truly wish we were even just sitting on the couch watching old movies ringing in your 40th. What I wouldn't give to have you back... I sincerely hope you're able to celebrate today. I love you!!!!!
Xoxo forever and always
me
Saturday, November 21, 2015
What can I say?
Dear Kerr,
All of the other times I've written to you, something happened to make me want to send you a letter. Today, I knew I was going to write. I'm not quite sure what to say today, though. I wish I had an uplifting thought or phrase that inspired me today, the 1 year anniversary of your death, but I don't. I'm not suddenly healed because I've made it through all of the firsts. I don't believe you're in a better place nor do I believe there was some plan which decided November 21, 2014 was your day to go. I don't find comfort in an abstract concept anymore. All I can say, though, is that I'd like to. I'd like to feel again, at some point, that even though it sucks you're gone and even though there is no rhyme or reason you're gone that you're okay ... that you can see what's going on down here ... I'm just not there yet.
I'm still in this place where I feel entirely, and completely, the large hole in my life which you're not there to fill. I woke up today (well at 4 am and then again now ... I seem to be up at 4 am a lot lately ...) wondering if there will ever be a time I stop mentally labelling events "with Kerry" and "after Kerry"?
1 year ago today, my life changed forever. My world was turned upside down. It's hard not to think of things, now, as "before this day" or "after". You carried so much meaning in my life. My thoughts, sometimes, weren't complete until you chimed in. My decisions weren't finalized until approved by you. Life is floating in some strange place waiting for you to come back to it and make everything right again. The hard reality is that you're not coming back.
It's been a year, but I haven't made the full circle of grieving where I end in a place of acceptance and peace. I'm still in a place of shock. I still can't believe you're gone. I still can't feel your presence around me. I close my eyes and so badly wish I could feel you hug me again. But I just don't feel it. Seeing pictures of you used to bring comfort but now I find it weird that they're all so in the past; that these photos are are repeat. Where are your new "I look good today" selfies? Why aren't you in Erin and Lance's wedding photos? Why aren't you in mine?
As hard as it is to celebrate occasions for the boys without you in them ... birthdays, graduations, good grades, jobs, job promotions, team wins, play opening nights and so much more ... it's those boys who make the gaping hole less empty. Those boys are so incredible and it's all because of you. You raised them well. Their smiles, and even their grumpass frowns, make me feel better. I feel more content in their presence. Thank you for those kids. They're my light & my life.
I miss you. I miss what you brought to my life. I miss having a sister. I miss having you.
xoxo always,
ME
All of the other times I've written to you, something happened to make me want to send you a letter. Today, I knew I was going to write. I'm not quite sure what to say today, though. I wish I had an uplifting thought or phrase that inspired me today, the 1 year anniversary of your death, but I don't. I'm not suddenly healed because I've made it through all of the firsts. I don't believe you're in a better place nor do I believe there was some plan which decided November 21, 2014 was your day to go. I don't find comfort in an abstract concept anymore. All I can say, though, is that I'd like to. I'd like to feel again, at some point, that even though it sucks you're gone and even though there is no rhyme or reason you're gone that you're okay ... that you can see what's going on down here ... I'm just not there yet.
I'm still in this place where I feel entirely, and completely, the large hole in my life which you're not there to fill. I woke up today (well at 4 am and then again now ... I seem to be up at 4 am a lot lately ...) wondering if there will ever be a time I stop mentally labelling events "with Kerry" and "after Kerry"?
1 year ago today, my life changed forever. My world was turned upside down. It's hard not to think of things, now, as "before this day" or "after". You carried so much meaning in my life. My thoughts, sometimes, weren't complete until you chimed in. My decisions weren't finalized until approved by you. Life is floating in some strange place waiting for you to come back to it and make everything right again. The hard reality is that you're not coming back.
It's been a year, but I haven't made the full circle of grieving where I end in a place of acceptance and peace. I'm still in a place of shock. I still can't believe you're gone. I still can't feel your presence around me. I close my eyes and so badly wish I could feel you hug me again. But I just don't feel it. Seeing pictures of you used to bring comfort but now I find it weird that they're all so in the past; that these photos are are repeat. Where are your new "I look good today" selfies? Why aren't you in Erin and Lance's wedding photos? Why aren't you in mine?
As hard as it is to celebrate occasions for the boys without you in them ... birthdays, graduations, good grades, jobs, job promotions, team wins, play opening nights and so much more ... it's those boys who make the gaping hole less empty. Those boys are so incredible and it's all because of you. You raised them well. Their smiles, and even their grumpass frowns, make me feel better. I feel more content in their presence. Thank you for those kids. They're my light & my life.
I miss you. I miss what you brought to my life. I miss having a sister. I miss having you.
xoxo always,
ME
Friday, October 23, 2015
Tides
Hey Kerr,
I'm in Charleston right now for jackies bachelorette party. We're staying on Isle of Palms. The house is insane and the sun is shining ... It's great!
I went for a walk this morning because I can't seem to shake my thoughts of you. Blogging helps.
I'm sitting on a nice sand pile by a pier watching the waves crash. As I walked out here I realized I was walking on a sandy path which was where waves were crashing against my feet yesterday afternoon. The tide hasn't come in yet. I say that phrase not really understanding it. I get tide rolls in and it rolls out, but what is that thing pulling all of the water to its center and what stops pulling and let's it go? I imagine the answer may be gravity and I know the answer could be found on google but like you say ... I don't really give a shit. The point is, it was cool to be in the same spot and have a different feeling. Yesterday was cold water against my legs and this morning was cold, hard sand.
As corny as it sounds, when I started analyzing the tide and trying to figure out the physical pull of it all without just turning to google, it made me think of human emotion. What is it that pulls all of our emotions to the center, to our heart, and keeps them wound tight and what is it that allows it to break free at times and let our emotions show? There are random times I feel completely introverted and others in which I'm ready to let it out, whether it is fun or sadness or happiness... What is it pulling and sending our emotional tides one way or another?
I've been thinking of you more than normal yesterday and today. There's 2 reasons... (1) because I'm surrounded by sisters. There are groupings of sisters on this weekend trip and it's a reminder of how lonely it is not to have you. How different and empty and half whole I feel. "You're never alone when you have a sister." It's probably some quote I've seen on Facebook but it's what I thought of on my morning walk. You wouldn't have been here this weekend, but I don't think I would've felt the same surrounded by sisters as I do. Call it jealousy or grief or reality but knowing you aren't here makes it hard to watch the bonds others have with their halves. I'm having a great time and the moments in which I feel that jealousy, grief, emptiness are different. You've been gone 11 months and as those moments occur in day to day life, I usually find them less dibilitating (right use of that word??). They become lingering thoughts and emotions but I usually don't have to leave the room anymore to cry or to get away. The reality you're no longer here becomes more and more real every day but the desire for you and need for you grows every day alongside that reality. (2) I've been thinking of you more than normal because when I go somewhere new, I tend to find myself wondering if you'd like it. Would you like this beach or hate it because it's hard. You never really liked beaches but I do think you'd like the sun chairs and pool. You'd love the house but hate that it's not a hotel cause if you're on vacation, why should you have to make your own bed, right? You would've loved the sushi we had last night ... That's not a question. Would the east coast be something you like or would you still rather be on your Arizona trip? I'm guessing Arizona.
I love you and miss you.
XO
I'm in Charleston right now for jackies bachelorette party. We're staying on Isle of Palms. The house is insane and the sun is shining ... It's great!
I went for a walk this morning because I can't seem to shake my thoughts of you. Blogging helps.
I'm sitting on a nice sand pile by a pier watching the waves crash. As I walked out here I realized I was walking on a sandy path which was where waves were crashing against my feet yesterday afternoon. The tide hasn't come in yet. I say that phrase not really understanding it. I get tide rolls in and it rolls out, but what is that thing pulling all of the water to its center and what stops pulling and let's it go? I imagine the answer may be gravity and I know the answer could be found on google but like you say ... I don't really give a shit. The point is, it was cool to be in the same spot and have a different feeling. Yesterday was cold water against my legs and this morning was cold, hard sand.
As corny as it sounds, when I started analyzing the tide and trying to figure out the physical pull of it all without just turning to google, it made me think of human emotion. What is it that pulls all of our emotions to the center, to our heart, and keeps them wound tight and what is it that allows it to break free at times and let our emotions show? There are random times I feel completely introverted and others in which I'm ready to let it out, whether it is fun or sadness or happiness... What is it pulling and sending our emotional tides one way or another?
I've been thinking of you more than normal yesterday and today. There's 2 reasons... (1) because I'm surrounded by sisters. There are groupings of sisters on this weekend trip and it's a reminder of how lonely it is not to have you. How different and empty and half whole I feel. "You're never alone when you have a sister." It's probably some quote I've seen on Facebook but it's what I thought of on my morning walk. You wouldn't have been here this weekend, but I don't think I would've felt the same surrounded by sisters as I do. Call it jealousy or grief or reality but knowing you aren't here makes it hard to watch the bonds others have with their halves. I'm having a great time and the moments in which I feel that jealousy, grief, emptiness are different. You've been gone 11 months and as those moments occur in day to day life, I usually find them less dibilitating (right use of that word??). They become lingering thoughts and emotions but I usually don't have to leave the room anymore to cry or to get away. The reality you're no longer here becomes more and more real every day but the desire for you and need for you grows every day alongside that reality. (2) I've been thinking of you more than normal because when I go somewhere new, I tend to find myself wondering if you'd like it. Would you like this beach or hate it because it's hard. You never really liked beaches but I do think you'd like the sun chairs and pool. You'd love the house but hate that it's not a hotel cause if you're on vacation, why should you have to make your own bed, right? You would've loved the sushi we had last night ... That's not a question. Would the east coast be something you like or would you still rather be on your Arizona trip? I'm guessing Arizona.
I love you and miss you.
XO
Friday, October 16, 2015
Happy Sweetest Day, Kerr Bear!
Dear Kerr Bear,
I walked into Jewel the other night after a long meeting to attempt their salad bar at 9:00PM instead of resulting in my typical Chipotle late night solution (yup! I should've just gone to Chipotle because Jewel had closed their salad bar down already - see ... not worth it to try and be healthy) to see their amazing floral department (yes, the Jewel by my house has great flowers - you'd love it!) adorned by beautiful extra-large "Happy Sweetest Day" balloons. My instant gut reaction was an "ohhh" but in the tone of a sigh not the tone of loving excitement.
You influenced my love of Hallmark cheesy holidays, the love of grand romantic gestures, flowers, chocolate and incredibly romantic men. You didn't marry those men and neither did I because when I reminded Mac of Sweetest Day and suggested we celebrate it, he adamantly said no. But anyhow ... :0) my gut reaction was one of bitter sweet sadness. It's because days like Sweetest day will ALWAYS make me think of you. That's the sweet part. The part which makes me smile. The reminder of all the influences you had over me and all the memories we shared. But then there's the obvious bitter sadness part. The part which reminds me of yet another day I'll spend without you all too early.
Point of this letter to you, though, is not my complaints about Mac's disinterest in cheesy romance, or to dwell on the bitter sadness portion of days I don't spend with you, but instead to wish you a Happy Sweetest Day.
I love you. I miss you. And I hope you receive a great big bouquet of flowers and a beautiful arrangement of cookies by design.
xoxo always,
ME
I walked into Jewel the other night after a long meeting to attempt their salad bar at 9:00PM instead of resulting in my typical Chipotle late night solution (yup! I should've just gone to Chipotle because Jewel had closed their salad bar down already - see ... not worth it to try and be healthy) to see their amazing floral department (yes, the Jewel by my house has great flowers - you'd love it!) adorned by beautiful extra-large "Happy Sweetest Day" balloons. My instant gut reaction was an "ohhh" but in the tone of a sigh not the tone of loving excitement.
You influenced my love of Hallmark cheesy holidays, the love of grand romantic gestures, flowers, chocolate and incredibly romantic men. You didn't marry those men and neither did I because when I reminded Mac of Sweetest Day and suggested we celebrate it, he adamantly said no. But anyhow ... :0) my gut reaction was one of bitter sweet sadness. It's because days like Sweetest day will ALWAYS make me think of you. That's the sweet part. The part which makes me smile. The reminder of all the influences you had over me and all the memories we shared. But then there's the obvious bitter sadness part. The part which reminds me of yet another day I'll spend without you all too early.
Point of this letter to you, though, is not my complaints about Mac's disinterest in cheesy romance, or to dwell on the bitter sadness portion of days I don't spend with you, but instead to wish you a Happy Sweetest Day.
I love you. I miss you. And I hope you receive a great big bouquet of flowers and a beautiful arrangement of cookies by design.
xoxo always,
ME
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