World's Greatest Aunt

 Dear Kerr Bear,

Yes - I titled this letter World's Greatest Aunt, but no ... I don't mean me ;-P 

I mean you.  You would’ve been the worlds greatest aunt to my girls.  It’s just a fact, without a doubt.  I’ve been having an extra hard few weeks with the kind of stuff you just need your sister for.  My friends (thank G-d for them) reminded me you ARE the worlds greatest aunt and you are watching them.  I just wish I could witness you with them.  

I’ve been having these visions lately of you holding Dakota.  You are running your finger down her nose and then booping the tip of her nose with the tip of your finger (I can see your perfectly manicured hands so well… the polish is dark like LPAD) and she smiles so big.  It’s something that brings me so much warmth <3 maybe somehow she does know you.  I think she’d be your favorite.  It was her birthday on Thursday (as you know because it was also Andrews!!) and while it was so sweet and so special, it still was a hard day.  For many reasons.  But one of them was you.  On special, celebratory days, it’s extra obvious you’re not there.  I think about how we would’ve done the day differently had you been around.

You have been gone 7 years today.

Andrew is 23 now.  Issac is 20 now.  Simon is 17 now.

You have 5 nieces and 1 nephew you didn’t have prior.

You have a college graduate, 1 in college, and 1 college bound.

Sadly, Baileyboozle has passed.  Are you guys on the couch watching TV together? Or sun bathing together?

I say it often to you, but I just miss you so much.  I miss your hugs.  I miss our calls and texts.  I miss having that person… the one who just gets you and says the right things always.  I try not to stay in this place very long - the place where all I think about is what you’ve missed, what I’ve missed having you a part of, all the things the boys should’ve had you for (including just regular day-to-day life)… the pitiful place.

There’s a hole in my life; one you’re supposed to fill.  some days are easier.  I have our family and my amazing friends.  I have my girls.  But there are some days with that hole when I just keep falling into the pain of missing you.

Today we are celebrating Dakota’s 1st birthday.  It was a strange date to pick, but I had an event yesterday.  And … it’s not that I wouldn’t have noticed you were gone yesterday… so today we celebrate Dakota and miss you, all the same.  

I woke up today just as I have every anniversary year wanting to just sleep through it.  Every year I think… if I just don’t wake up today, maybe 11/21/14 wont happen.  I relive the details of the day, every year.  I can’t help it.  

I miss you.  I owe you an more upbeat life update.  Soon.

Send me a sign today. Maybe you already have … my girls are here.  Happy and healthy.

Love you. 

XO

Me