2020.

 Hey Kerr,

It’s been awhile.  And, frankly, not because I didn’t have the time, but just because I sometimes can’t find the words. 

Although, I have been busy, life is not the same hustle bustle.  2020 has been a shit show.  We’re in a worldwide pandemic.  You’d haaaaaate it.  You would’ve gone months without manicures and getting your hair done and you would’ve had months without date nights and being cooped up with the boys.  A super big silver lining was that Issac’s school sent everyone home after spring break so we got to have him from Spring Break all the way until august.  He’s doing all virtual classes but is at school.  He has a great townhouse with a very sweet roommate from GBN.  His roommate cooks incredible food every night!! And Issac is being really safe.  We miss him so much, especially the girls, but are excited to have him home for Thanksgiving break.  We got him a new car to take to school this year; his first car just needed too much work and I was too worried with the long drives.  I knew it was something you & Allan would’ve done, too.  Andrew went back down to Louisville over the summer.  He was working so hard delivering food and is now a senior - OMG!  When did that happen.  He lives in the frat house and has virtual classes too.  He hates being virtual, but I know he’s still keeping a good social life, which is important.  I’m afraid he won’t come back to chicago after graduation.  :-/ Simon is a junior.  Wowzers!  Not sure what’ll happened with the ACT/SAT and if he’ll need to take it for college apps with this pandemic and such.  I can’t believe how quickly they’re growing.  Simy is so tall and has gotten sooooo fit!  They’re all so handsome and I know you’d just LOVE taking photos with them as they tower over you and look so good.  Andrew came in for a weekend a few weeks ago and was holding Kenna’s hand as we walked back from the park.  He had to bend to hold her.  It’s so cute to see them together and so crazy to see the age difference.  And yet... I can remember being young and taking Andrew to the park.  It’s all just going so fast.  I’m hoping Andrew gets an actual graduation at the end of April, but just know, if the school cancels it, Jordan and I will create a stage and the whole pomp and circumstance so he can walk across and know the weight of his accomplishment.  You raised incredible boys.

I’m having another baby - a girl!  We’re like the regular Brady brunch!  And Jordan and Jenna just had a GORGEOUS baby girl! I can’t believe these cousins will be so close in age, and hopefully, the best of friends.  Because of the pandemic, I couldn’t be at the hospital to wait or to meet her.  It killed me.  This sucks.  And the same will go for when our baby girl comes.. no one will be waiting or come to meet her.  And even then, it won’t be the same kind of introduction to her family.  Masks... gloves... hand sanitizer...  I can’t wait for this all to go away.

I’m lucky I have the second career in real estate.  The event industry has died.  You can’t have big parties and there are all sorts of restrictions.  It’s so sad.  It’s been 10.5 years of events by Tess and a growth of the company of 125% the year I had the girls and now - poof... large scale events are not allowed.  I’m hoping it changes ASAP.  I feel fortunate to help clients with smaller scale events but can’t wait for everything to be normal again.

Yesterday we (finally) got the announcement of our new president.  It’s a long story, but thank G-d!!  And, drumroll, we have a female Vice President!! Who is biracial!! And has a Jewish husband!!  Very exciting!!  We talk about politics a lot in our group text chat with the boys, and it’s very neat to watch them grow into their own thoughts and opinions and the ability to articulate where they’re coming from (even when I don’t agree).

Life feels in limbo right now.  We sold our house and are renovating a new one.  I’ve wanted to get your opinion on all of the design choices I’ve made and items I’ve purchased.  I’ve wanted to share this journey with you.  The day we closed on the new house, I cried.  It may sound strange to some, but not having you along for each of my large new milestones (and even for the mundane every day) makes it feel like it’s not complete/off in some way/not right... like you didn’t give me your blessing. The hole you’ve left doesn’t close.  It doesn’t get filled in or covered over.  You just learn to live with it there... and some days it feels like the wound is more open than others.  Some days, it’s not a tinge of pain, but instead a spark of joy.  Some songs just make me smile now instead of get choked up.  Always ‘pina colada’.  ‘Human’ by the killers is hit or miss depending on the day.  But you’re always around. In my heart and in my memories.  I just wish you were still here.

This is a rambly post to you.  But like I said, it’s been awhile, and 2020 has been a year...

I can’t wait to tell you about our baby girl.  I can’t wait to tell her about you.

I love you.

XO

Me