Thankful for you ❤️

Hi Kerr,

Timehop ... it's a pretty cool app but today it wasn't as fun.  Today, thanksgiving, a day when most are happy and indulgent, I woke up to memories of the day we said goodbye to you.  2 years ago today.  One of the hardest days of my life... second to the day you died.  The interesting thing, though, as I read through all of the comments made on a photo I posted that day, was the memories of how much love and support we received and continue to receive.  There were something like 400 people at your service and they came to the house and continued to send dinners to the boys and continued to check in.  On a day when it can be easy to feel not so thankful if you focus on all of the sadness, timehop found me a silver lining.

I'm thankful for who you were - you had the biggest heart always caring about others and doing for others first.  You had the warnest home!  Always so decorated for each holiday and so inviting - such a happy place.  You had such a unique personality.  Few people actually have the ability to give zero fucks if someone doesn't like their honesty or their true colors, but you did.  You wore your heart on your sleeve and said what you wanted when you wanted and lived with conviction... 400 people showed up for your service because you were so unique and so warm and so loving.  I'm thankful for all you gave me in the 26 years we had together - you gave me someone to admire and aspire to be.  You showed me how to be a sister, a daughter, a mom and a friend.  I'm so thankful for the bond we shared and  I'm especially thankful for the boys ... the greatest gift you could have ever given me ... ever.

Andrew.  He got into ALL 4 COLLEGES HE APPLIED TO!!!!!!!! That kid has worked so hard to be an incredible student, teammate, brother, cousin, nephew, grandson, boyfriend and friend.  He's just such a gentle giant growing more and more like Allan every day.  We took him to Canada for his 18th birthday so he could gamble and drink.  He gambles like you and Allan & did very well!!! Lance and jordan taught him how to make fun of mom ... epic.  The best part is, he's blush doing it because he's not good at being mean :) he hasn't decided where he's going to school yet - I'll keep you posted.  All I can say is dropping him off will be sooooo hard.

Fletchy.  Such a kind boy.  He's 15 and I think it's a little difficult right now ... battling being such a good kid with the ability to get into trouble.  There's drinking and smoking and he's still staying strong -being a good young man.  He takes pride in getting good grades, in being a good friend and in being a source of strength for his friends.  I can't believe how tall and strong he's getting!! To look back at photos and watch how he's changed and grown is incredible.

Simon oh Simon.  I love him so.  We have our good days and our bad days.  He doesn't always want to hug me or even talk to me but I also know it's a huge sign of conviction.  He can make up his mind and stick to it like no one I've ever seen.  And he can make me happier than almost no one I've ever seen.  When Simon shows me love, my heart lights up!

Zion will be bar mitzvahed in 2 months!! I just sent his invites out.  He's been working very hard on his Torah portion and I know he's going to do so well!  I'm low on his list of favorites ... I represent discipline and rules to him - zero fun.  I always think that one day he'll love me and know I was strict because I thought it was the best for him.  He's so smart and I just want him to have the best he can.

Im hosting thanksgiving today.  I'm still lying in bed ... haven't setup the tables yet or cooked what I'm responsible for yet (your corn soufle, green bean casserole, crescent rolls, cranberries and stuffed mushrooms).  The house doesn't have any festive thanksgiving things like you would've had.  One day I will!  Right now home stores are too overwhelming.  Decorating a house is overwhelming!!! I do have your table linens and napkin rings, though.  We used them on rosh hashana and I'll use them today.  They make it feel more like fall.  I also made pretty cool floral arrangements for the tables.

I miss you today.  I miss you every day.  Today is hard and harder than some, but today I want to feel thankful.  I'm thankful we had the sister bond and friendship we did and one I can carry with me forever.  I'm thankful for my nephews - my heart and soul.  I'm thankful for mac and what a good man he is.  I'm thankful for our family and the love we share.

I really hope you get to have Bubbys turkey and stuffing today - hers has always been the best.

xoxo always
me