Hey Kerr,
"this is us", the show I said you'd love, came back from winter break tonight. It was another great episode. The mom said something (again) which resonated with me. They were in a family counseling session and she said 'my kids had 17 years with their dad. That's all. 17 years of memories. They don't get any more.' (coincidentally, this quote came from the episode on a week where we have 2 big events I so badly wish you could be at.). I know, for so many reasons, I'm lucky I got 25 years of memories with you, but I want more.
To start,
You have a new nephew! Miles Allan Neuhauser. Jenna was a champ making Labor and delivery look easy on january 3rd with Miles coming in at 8lbs 15 oz and 22 inches long. The bris is tomorrow. You would've been so excited bringing all the cute custom sweets and more presents (because I can guarantee you would've already bought a ton). I'm so glad Miles has Allan's name. I can't wait to share all of Allan's life lessons with him. "You can't be the man if you work for the man." Chicago is the best band of all time. "If you've worked hard for the money which pays them, then it's like you cleaned the house yourself." Allan came into jordan and my life at such an influential time and he came in bigger than life as a loving teddy bear who loved us more than I could describe. As you know, Allan meant the world to jordan. It's so right his son should carry his name. I wish you could be here to see him honored.
And to continue with the baby theme,
My first baby shower is this weekend. It reminds me of my first bridal shower. I can't remember if I've told you this before, but here it is... I scheduled showings for the morning of my first bridal shower. Weird - yeah. I got home and lost it. I started crying to Mac that I couldn't imagine getting ready. I couldn't imagine going to the shower knowing you weren't going to be there. I cried and cried but knew I had to get dressed and put on makeup. It took me forever to do my makeup. I text dad while I was getting ready to tell him I hated that I couldn't feel you near me. That I needed to feel your presence. He told me to be patient, you were just at your manicure. Because I couldn't get my shit together, I was running late. While in the car, I heard the (then) new ed Sheeran song. Dad had talked to me about it the night before but I hadn't heard it yet so I thought he was referring to a different one. This one was called "photograph". The line which really hit me then was, "You can fit me Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen Next to your heartbeat where I should be Keep it deep within your soul". That day, I was wearing your necklace. Your heart shaped necklace you lent me to wear to Maggie's wedding. I joked with you that you weren't going to get it back... welp . You didn't. Anyhoo, the song was a sign. It was what I needed.
I'll be looking for the signs tomorrow and Saturday and every day for the rest of my life. I hope you can see all that's going on around here. (There's quite a lot). I only have 25 years of memories with you, but I hold them forever just like I hold my love for you forever, in my heart.
XO
